“It was scary to think I’d actually considered drinking a bottle of gin or taking pills.”

Over the past year, Finnish World Cup veteran Krista Pärmäkoski has been through a lot: a breakup and a divorce, dealt with the loss of her beloved dog, on top of years of panic attacks a challenging team environment.

At one point, Krista felt so low that she thought about turning to pills and alcohol and wasn’t sure if she could keep going.

Krista Pärmäkoski is one of the biggest stars in Finnish cross-country skiing since the 2000s. She has won five Olympic medals and seven World Championship medals. Now, she’s decided to keep competing at least until the World Championships in Trondheim and the Olympics in Milan in 2026. But this decision wasn’t easy for her, and it wasn’t until June that she announced that she’s motivated and excited to keep racing. 

Book launch
Just recently, Pärmäkoski released her autobiography called “Avoin,” which translates to “Open” in English. In the book, written by author Laura Arffman, the 33-year-old talks about her years of anxiety and stress, the struggles within her team, bullying, and feeling like an outsider. She even went through times when she couldn’t eat and pretty much got by on candy.

“Life was a nightmare,” she said in an interview with YLE.fi. 

“When I had a panic attack, I wondered how much medicine I should take. I was so down that I asked myself how I’d find the strength to go on. Even though I knew I was strong, it was scary to think I’d actually considered drinking a bottle of gin or taking pills.”

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Bullying and Exclusion
Within the national team, things were tense, both during training and in the competition season. The atmosphere was particularly intense when it came to team selections. Pärmäkoski has felt this ever since the World Championships in Oslo in 2011. 

Back then, she was 20 years old and chosen to do the team sprint with Aino-Kaisa Saarinen, who was 11 years older. Saarinen made it clear that she wasn’t happy with Krista as her teammate. When Krista asked for advice before the competition, Saarinen replied: “Just remember, I’ve never placed worse than second.” 

After they won the silver medal, Saarinen left Krista alone to handle the media.

2019 was a low point. During a training camp in Val Senales (ITA), Pärmäkoski felt completely unwanted, especially at mealtimes. She dreaded the group meals and felt like no one wanted her around. 

The competition within the team is so intense that teammates often feel like enemies. Pärmäkoski shares that her friendship with Kerttu Niskanen, a friend from high school, has completely fallen apart.

Tension within the Finnish national team isn’t new. But what made things worse in 2019, was that Pärmäkoski had suggested training outside of the national team a few months earlier. She mostly wanted this because of how her former coach, Matti Haavisto, had been treated. He was fired after only one year as head coach.

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Ready to rock and rollDespite the struggles, both on and off the snow, Pärmäkoski has decided to carry on and keep pursuing her dreams. She reveals that the 2026 Olympics in Italy is a huge motivation.

“To race at the Olympics in Val di Fiemme, where I’ve performed well several times before, was a huge factor in my decision to continue, says Pärmäkoski, and explains:

“I had pretty much decided to retire after the 2022 Olympics, when I thought to myself that I would never be able to reach my biggest goal as an athlete. But this journey I’ve been on has given me so much, and I want to give myself two more seasons. And the best part is that now, I can continue to pursue my biggest dream.”

This summer, Krista Pärmäkoski opted to extend her contract with Madshus through the next two seasons.